My Mother My Hero

mumaSorrow weighs heavy on me some days
for, she is gone.

As I write Christmas cards, fill them
full of cheer, I realise how much I still miss
my mother,
how very dear to me she always was.

My story is a long, fluid one
(aren’t they all)
and, sometimes it’s hard
to talk about the things which happened
as I live through its battles
The ups and downs of this roller coaster life
but, somewhere in my 16th year I told her I was
gay, fearing what she’d say, she said:
“My darling daydreaming Bren, I always knew
there was something so special about you.
I don’t care what you are, you’re mine
and, I love you.”

She empowered me to become who
I was always meant to be and not have to hide
who I am in any dark closets or
harvest the fear of being constantly
caught living a lie.

At seventeen I made her cry.
Enlisting in the army, she said I must be barmy
but she knew I had that goal set firmly in my mind
and when she watched my passing out parade
she stood and waved as proud as any other mother
as the band played and we all marched past
in perfect symmetry.

(Deep sigh)

Happy were those days…now… distant memories
and as I write these words at Christmas time
I may shed a tear or two but will not weep for tho’
she is not in sight and hasn’t been for years
I sometimes think of her… then, feel the
slightest wisp of air move my hair and gain
comfort in the thought of knowing she’s
still there!

~*~

Me and mum and steve
My mum. Myself and one of my younger brothers

© Daydreamertoo *All rights reserved

*My mother was never perfect. She had her first baby aged 16 and made many, many big mistakes for which there were
awful consequences for all of us and, though I loved her dearly, I was angry with her. But, as I matured and began to look at the big picture, rather than purely from my own aspect, I began to realise the battles she must have fought and the ways in which she tried to keep all of us, as a huge family together, especially after my father died at 27 when I was 2 and a half.  She had many faults, but the one thing none of us ever doubted was, her love of us.
She was one of my best friends. Someone I was able to tell my deepest darkest, most scary secret with and risk losing her, my family, to condemnation and yet, she simply opened her arms, hugged me close and showed me it was all going to be okay for me to be me.
That is all any of us truly wants, to be loved and accepted for who we are not what we are. I wish all kids were so accepted for who they are and not what they are. Then there would be far less teenage suicides because of it.

So yes, to me, for all her faults, my mother is, was and will always be, one of my imperfect heroes.

Shared with Poetry Jam A good person
Three Word WednesdayCCCV1 Battle. Fluid. Harvest.

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Author: Daydreamer

I live on a beautiful island in Atlantic Canada.

27 thoughts on “My Mother My Hero”

  1. Brenda, this is such a wonderful tribute–even more so how you came to terms with the anger, and ended up with love. We all want to be accepted for who we are, and that is how it should be. Thank you for this lovely poem. 🙂

  2. Thank you for sharing this wonderful experience with your mother. It brings joy to my heart that you had such a wonderful and accepting mother.

  3. The top picture looks like it’s from the 40’s.

    This is a powerful love-filled and deeply personal post.

    This stranger is grateful for a brief glimpse into your life.

    Cheers!
    JzB

  4. How your mother would have loved to read this tribute. And thank you so much for sharing so openly with us in the cyberworld of poetry. The imperfect saints are the best ones I think.

  5. I love your Mum. How lucky you were to be so loved having your mother on your side. As you said it is the most important thing that fashions us. You are your Mum’s daughter,being brave enough to share share these intimacies with poets from all over the world. I admire your courage and truthfullness.

  6. It is good that by acceptance of your differences you were able to accept hers as well. Love is a powerful emotion and you have demonstrated it so well here in this tribute.

  7. life is so full of sorrows for each and everyone (sigh) Big hug! Your mom was before her time, so wonderful to know true love and acceptance and from the one we look up to so much!

  8. Who’s mother is ever really perfect, but they made perfect moments for us and that’s why we love them. Thank you for sharing these times with us. ( I haven’t written anything just wanted to stop by 🙂

  9. The moments you immortalize here: the Christmas cards, the coming out, the army, and the wisp of wind are the turning point moments of wisdom and giving. May you always have the wisp and feel her love.

  10. This is so touching, Bren. I love the way she responded to you telling her you were gay. I would say she was a woman ahead of her time in acceptance and understanding. I can understand you missing your mother. I will never stop missing mine either.

  11. smiles….we all make mistakes…i think we def have to realize that as parents but you know it sounds like you got a good one…smiles…love the bit of the wisp there in the end…they are right there sometimes you know…

  12. Nothing can replace a mother …. imperfect as she
    Personally, I can not imagine the day my mother died ….
    In fact, I realize that I would die before her ….
    Thank you for your words Bren.

  13. What a wonderful post and what a wonderful mother. She was beautiful, Bren, and the way she received your news is what I wish for every child: to be loved unconditionally for who they are. Then what a world we would have. I love it that the air stirs when you think of her.

  14. Quite the hero indeed it sounds like, no matter the faults, wonderful tribute. You made the cat be nice today too, hmph! haha

  15. Maybe all heroes have their imperfections..love always remains…strong words..describing what sounds like two strong women..

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