If blaming it on you
make allowance for their doubting
don’t deal in lies
nor, talk too wise.
Make thoughts meet with triumph
instead of twisted by knaves
who seek nothing but disaster
you can bear it all, even
with worn out tools.
to serve your heart
and so hold on
neither foes nor loving friends
can hurt you
If you can walk with kings
with crowds, the common touch
yours is the earth and
everything that’s in it.
~*~
© Daydreamertoo *All rights reserved
I chose to try an erasure poem with the famous ‘If’ by English author/poet Rudyard Kipling.
Shared with dVerse Poets Meeting the Bar: Erasure Poetry
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Ending has an impact Bren. Nice.
How masterfully you manage to manipulate Kipling’s voice. This was an interesting read for me, Bren, because it is so different from your usual work, yet equally compelling to read.
Great graphic title !
THis is the only poem I was ever forced to memorize in school — probably part of the reason I learned to hate poetry — memorizing was hard for me.
Many years later, while living in India, I read Kipling and loved him and later re-embraced this poem.
Great erasure — your version still rings of Kipling’s brilliance. Thanx
So nicely done….this has got a beautiful message….Loved it Bren…
There is a lot of truth in this old chestnut. I like the foes and loving friends bit. Smirk. You will have to excuse me Bren..I am a terrible cynic sometimes:)Better than the original.
very neat. Loved what you did with the Kipling here. You created some very cool lines here and crafted an excellent piece. Thanks
This is such a beautiful poem … my mind flowed with it !!!
Oh, this is so well done–you and Kipling dancing together.
A great message hear to contemplate, nicely woven from the text.
Yes, I agree, your voice came through clearly in your chosen words, Bren. Good work!
Some great words to live by for sure and your voice really took a tour. Nicely weaved at your bay as plenty of thoughts are at play.
I had not read Kipling in a long time…how refreshing;)
I dug the original poem out to compare. I think you’ve made it more contemporary. And the central message was still there, with a more universal address. Nice job. 🙂
I agree with Anna–your own voice comes through so clearly, this sounds just like your own work. (That’s a good thing!) Fine job here!
Wow! Kipling, no less. I’ll have to look up his poem, now…pretty sure I read it recently.
I hadnt heard of an erasure poem…..cool. You did so well with it. I LOVE its closing lines!
Really enjoyed this… love the last two lines.
You managed to keep your poetic sensibilities with another voice. I was struck by the message and its insistence, a really interesting push and pull. I think that one of the great things about this form is it can almost be like ventriloquism.
Good job with this. It’s one of my earliest known poems and still a favorite. I give it as a gift to young men on my birthday/christmas lists. Like this – so modern.
I like
“you can bear it all, even
with worn out tools ”
That line REALLY has a strength to it which will stay with me! Worn out tools are tools nonetheless and have life in them yet! Smiles.
Make thoughts meet with triumph
instead of twisted by knaves
who seek nothing but disaster…smiles…you gleened some nice wisdom from if…and if only…you know…smiles…
nicely done. your title is apt.”you can bear it all, even with worn out tools” love this. I really feel you and Kipling merging here.
great job bren…don’t deal in lies
nor, talk too wise…some good wisdom in this…also the parts with the foes and friends…nicely done…