Being rather tall his gait was brisk
due to such miserable weather
the cobbled streets were almost deserted
still, a few drunken sops braved the
bone chilling mist and rain
with loose women clinging to their arms
hoping to waylay and then get paid.
He smiled
but it was detached, never
reaching the coldness of his eyes
there…
on the corner he espied her.
O, how he loved the beauty of this game
all she had to do was turn and leave
and she’d be safe
but she wouldn’t
She would see that smile with
pupil paper money signs
even as my hand is reaching
for the blade.
~*~
© Daydreamertoo *All rights reserved
*This is loosely based on that notorious Victorian Murderer (monster) Jack the Ripper
Shared with With Real Toads Kerry’s Wednesday Challenge ~ The Unreliable Narrator
Three Word Wednesday Brisk, Detached, Miserable
Poetry Jam A poetic monster mash
Very well narrated.
My thoughts were exactly those of the first poster–“Ooh, creepy!” J the R was a true monster, the scariest kind, because he was real!
ooh creepy…great retelling of this story, which always gags me!
Do not trust him, gentle maiden! LOL
I had him identified from your first phrases, but still, it sent shivers down my spine. Kind of hoping I was wrong, you know? Excellent work, hon. Peace, Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/10/11/manly-men-real-toads-abc-wednesday/
NOTHING but wow, wow, wow!
Brenda, excellent! You gave me the creepy chills 🙂 Well done!
chilling! And beautifully captured
Even thought I KNEW where you were going with this, I was, non-the-less enthralled. Yikes.
All Hallow’s Eve is upon us…
Jack the Ripper was truly a monster! well-written, Bren! Love it!
♥
You definitely left me with a chill with this one. Great job!
jack ripper…one hundred percent…
Very chilling. Yoiks! Beware the silver smile…..
The story of Jack the Ripper is one of those chilling tales that, for some reason, I even like hearing again and your short take on it is chilling, indeed. Nice write, Bren.
Goosebumps!! Wow, the storytelling in this moved me through swiftly to the glint on that blade…chilling, indeed!! Well done!!
That was scary, reminded me of an old mystery movie, the pic and the words splendid mash 🙂
Ooh, yes. I guessed it was Jack the Ripper. Good idea.
K
This is wonderfully written! An interesting perspective on the Whitechapel murders, which can be difficult to achieve given the amount of material out there. And the atmosphere you’ve created of that suspenseful spookiness is just perfect. Loved it!
OoOO…scary…you paced the atmosphere just right.
Even today the story fascinates and appalls. You beautiful writing of course masks the hopeless poverty and need of the time where her life would be almost certainly short.
Great! I suspected but wasn’t sure until the knife. I love your use of eyes–his cold ones, her seeing them with $$ signs. And “O, how he loved the beauty of this game” when you think he might refer to women as beautiful . . . victims.
This was interesting. I followed your blog 4 suuuure. Check out my band Terminally Ill on the blog that I wrote about them. http://terminallyill420.blogspot.com/
Good write, it was chilling to read.
You set the scene well, gave just enough clues, and then….that wonderful ending!
I love this…I knew, who it was…!
You set the tone so well…spooky good!!!!
eep…nice bit of first person perspective….and great reveal in the closure as well bren….a little jack the ripper feel to this you know…
Deliciously chilling. The third to first person twist added extra spice.
what a cutting last line..i love the pupil paper money signs also..the atmosphere is like a thick..suffocating cloak..jae
Good description of Jack the Ripper I think and there is a more subtle message here as well–if only she had turned away.
Going all creepy today, too bad all Jack didn’t do was let one rip, the cat couldn’t let that go haha but instead he was a psycho path.
you gave me chills you described Jack the ripper so well
All three prompts … combined with creativity and flair! Bad Jack!!!!
Really well written. We’ve all read so many pieces analyzing the famed man. Yours, from his perspective, is one of the most interesting. Skillful, this one!
That gave me the shivers! Great job–I especially like the description of his smile “never / reaching the coldness of his eyes.”
Oooh! I love the twist at the end as the narrator is revealed. This worked well, Bren.
Ooh… spooky indeed!