Signs

Walking Timmy on a peaceful, breezy day
wind warm and therefore, kind
he was on his walk-of-a-thousand-pees
I was on the walk
somehow
in search of finding, me.

Thoughts all over the place
on the edge of
once-upon-a-time-of-madness
trying to deep breathe
stop the heart from racing
tasting salt on my tongue
and loosing the inner fight
as years of suppressed chaos
began to rise.

Let go, let go, let go.

I ran the whole gamut of emotions
from helplessness and frustration
to trials and tribulations
that had yet to come
the anger, all consuming rage
and,
at the root of it all
the fear I’d learned to live on
and nothing else to survive.

A dark mood overwhelmed
which doesn’t usually happen
when I’m with Mother Nature.
I watched Tim enjoying himself
*Sighed*
looked at the dark clouds
and knew they suited my mood
but suddenly, an inner voice told
me to turn and look again.

Standing perfectly still
with the sun behind me
the bottom of the clouds almost black
so dark and gloomy
but a little higher they switched
to dark grey, higher still they
turned light grey until eventually
the tops were the purest white
of white I’ve ever seen with a
hint of silver behind.

Amazing.

I knew right then it was a sign.

A message for me to absorb
that that which I am seeking
is in me and, has been all along
but I’d been looking in all
the wrong places.

At that moment in time
I felt the true ‘oneness’ everyone speaks of
as if I were being held
in someone’s loving embrace
and was being assured
I’m never alone.

I smiled, spoke out aloud
not caring if anyone was there
saw or, thought me crazy
thanked the powers that be
in the universe
and smiled
for those blessings that
are still mine.

~*~

© Daydreamertoo              *All rights reserved

This was the beach walk we were on when this happened about 18 months after my partner had died.  I was going through all sorts of inner turmoil. Mind in chaos of anger, rage, abandonment, all sorts of feelings because, for nearly three long years (for various reasons too lengthy to go into) I had lived on no other emotion but fear and had truly forgotten how to feel anything other than the need of survival. It took such a long, long time to re-learn what it was to feel happy, to be at peace within and, maybe another three years of deep soul-searching to discover we have most of the answers we’re seeking within us all along but, we just don’t tend to have time or, maybe feel the need to sit still for long enough to find them.

Life is the gift…Learning to love without condition, is the lesson.

Eventually, I learned that I was much more deeply spiritual than I had ever even realised, but not until I was forced to look for those elusive answers to once again find my balance/centering/peace, deep within.

Shared with dVersePoets with Victoria C Slotto Meeting the Bar: Where in the World am I?
Poets United #102 Labyrinth