Night Terrors

Drifting into the deep
words float in puddles
spinning round and round
then, drip one by one
through fluttering eyelids.

Something’s going on
(I scream)
but, no-one hears the cries.

Drowning now in you as you
haunt me with those eyes in the
darkness of my dreams.

Running now

always running

(Sometimes wish I had a gun)

Trying to escape before you
make a grab for me.

Yes, you know it’s you
who haunts me.
Taunts me
(as you used to sneak into
my room)
Now, you creep into my thoughts
when I let slip my guard
falling victim to your nightly
frights again.

Heart is in my throat now
and I’m choking on the fear as
those shadow-hands reach out from
the cold and dead
to touch my living flesh.

If this is a dream then wake me
for, I am in hell and the devil is
escaping through my tears.

I’ve lived with you for years.

Suddenly, you disappear
but, I know where you are.
I saw someone toss you back into
the earth, scattered the ashes
of your demon birth.

So,
go back and walk among the
living dead because I am
so much stronger than you
ever knew.

My light outshone your
wicked deeds.
I’m alive and, when I wake
I’ll remember that it was
I who heaved a silent sigh as I
watched you go.

~*~

© Daydreamertoo      *All rights reserved

For far too many reasons that I can’t go into without writing a novel, suffice to say, I used to have these dreadful recurring night frights for years, where I would wake up shouting, sobbing real tears and, even though once awake, I couldn’t break free of the fear from those dreadful night terrors.  Until through deep soul searching of many ‘whys’ and of being able to forgive the unforgivable,  I found my own light and then I knew, through love, I’d always been so much stronger than I ever knew I was.

No child should ever suffer any type of abuse at the hands of any adult, parents or not. Not in any way and, not for any reason.

Shared with dVersePoets

Fallen Angels

Fallen from grace
she is the defiant one.

She will not hide her face
in shame as she sheds those
precious wings
Softly lets them fall along
with silken garb
everything, discarded.

She is lost to them…for now.

She takes an Earthly stand
but, lifts a hand to the Heavens
begging for respite.

Resisting eternal glory
neath their golden skies of fury
they leave her upon a
pedestal way up high.

She seeks solace of the flesh.
remembers body to bodily
sharing once again.

Exploration of forbidden fruits
in those mountains, valleys and seas
of human pleasure.

One night of passion.

One night of mortal love.

One night in arms that share
their warmth and suffocate in
sensual embrace, with hearts that
beat so slow, then race to love’s
sweet culmination with kisses so
deep, they’d keep the devil’s
fires burning.

But, they will not abandon her
(she is their Heavenly child)
She will learn her lessons
and when she’s finished falling
they will hear her calling

For…

like all good parents, they love
this wayward child.

Her wings will be there…waiting
cared for by Heavenly love
and one day her parents know
she will ask if she can
come home again …just
like all the other

Fallen Angels Do.

~*~

© Daydreamertoo *All rights reserved

Over the years I’ve written poems putting my own interpretations to this picture a few times. It’s such an expressive piece of artwork,  sensual body and lots of scope for different directions of thought without ever being crude and, I wonder if things like fallen angels could happen, after all according to the Bible, God threw Satan out of Heaven and, he was an Angel…right?

Shared with With Real Toads #Bodies

Jaguar Cars

An ad on TV showed the newest car.

“You know who makes them do you?”

“No, who?”

“Jaguar is originally a posh car made in the UK.”

“It’s not JagUar, it’s JagWar.”

“No, it’s pronounced JagUar, not JagWar. Jagwar is the American way of pronouncing it.”

“No, no, no, it’s JagWar.”

So, we  Googled it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jaguar Cars  It states  Jag-ew-ar EW together makes U  known simply as Jaguar (play /ˈæɡjuː.ər/ jag-ew-ər),   Da daaaaa

My-soon-to-be-16 teen once asked me what a Bar rock was… I had to ask a few times what she was saying so that it was clear. Yep it was a Bar rock. I had no idea what she was asking me. It was a word I’d never heard before. So, I asked her to tell me what context it was used in.

“It’s was what soldiers live in”

“Ohhhhh.. you mean a Barrack!”…

We do have some giggles over our different accents and what are ‘new’ words to her.

Shared with G=Man’s Friday Flash 55

Poem Sketching

Google Image by Holly Vampasaurous

Fleeting

a shadow of wings
blurred at the edges
and gone in a flash
yet the shortness of flight
cannot convey its depth.

Maybe a spirit
lost
trying to find its way
(as are we all)

Water music plays
its liquid serenade
expanding the circles
in my mind
drawing me in, whilst
a distant drummer, beats
beckoning me to horizons
I have yet to dream and
shores I’ve yet to see.

~*~

© Daydreamertoo *All rights reserved

Shared with With Real Toads Poem Sketching.  I used the words: Fleeting, Shadow, Music, Shores… to write this.
Poets United Think Tank #90 Music

The Eye of Heaven

Through the route of ages
in breath and equilibrium
the journey is always
the same
we are born to die.

Each remnant of the
ancient Gods leaves more to
question, than answers.

I jostle days
turning pages in wonder at
new knowledge
they impart.

Religion separates
divides and conquers
yet,
fire and ice can co-exist
if we did but surrender ego
to learn the higher plan.

With hint of fragrant promise
the softness of pillows await and
in sweet dreams and starlight
the moon sings her lullaby
to the earth
(her dearest one)
Meanwhile
the eye of Heaven watches
waiting for us all
to come home again
to love.

~*~

© Daydreamertoo *All rights reserved

Shared with Three Word Wednesday #CCLXV Fragrant, Jostle, Remnant
Poetry Jam #Strange Gods
Poets United Pantry #94

Battered Wives

Google Images

For years
and years
(far too many)

She was a punching bag
and yet she gave
…and gave.

Sometimes she’d fall
run
I’d try to catch her
in the spin and
pick up the pieces
left.

This was not what
she had planned
and yet
…it was.

She was living
but
…had yet to live

Now my message is as clear
as I can make it
and as gentle.

“Open your heart
don’t close it to love.

Don’t say:
‘I can’t’ because
you can
and,
the best is yet to be
you just have to believe
in you
as I believe in you.
Your life is no longer
tightly bound around
another’s bidding
Life demands that you
come back again
Back into its living
so,
close your eyes,
clear your heart
let it go.”

~*~

© Daydreamertoo *All rights reserved

For my youngest sister and other battered women everywhere.
She had to go to court last week, saw her soon-to-be ex husband, crying.  Told me it was cancelled for some reason but, it was hard to see him keep sobbing. I told her they are ‘pity me’ crocodile tears and that if she went back with him now he’d treat her even worse because she’s had the nerve to take the divorce this far. She’s feeling so lost, nervous, fragile and, she has no self confidence at all. She has panic attacks and I’ve told her she has to re-learn to live her life again but for herself now and, it takes time to adjust to thinking for herself once more after 30 years of his bullying, spousal abuse and conditioning.
Told her to try to change her thinking and stop keep saying ‘she can’t do so and so by herself’ and to start trying to tell herself ‘yes, she can do.’ I could cry for her lack of confidence in herself.
I’m praying so hard she keeps her fragile nerve now and doesn’t take those all too easy steps backwards. The next time he could end up killing her.
I love my family and sometimes wish so much I could hug (especially) her because I know how much she misses her big-sister-Bren hugs.
Thank goodness we can talk now through her having access to a computer now.

Shared with Carry on Tuesday #150 The best is yet to be
OpenLinkNight #37

The Stones

I once knew a Blackrock
a place that holds many memories
for the child who
(then)
was me.

Now, I hold a black rock
in my hand.
Jet black and smooth
…just because
Because the feel of its
stone-cold-to-growing
warmth, soothes.

Thoughts drift above
the watermark
and:
Ah, here it comes again.

‘Hello, welcome rain
oh, how I have missed the
magic of your warm, wet kiss
to lips that have thirsted for you
through the months of snow.’

The rock in my hand
leads  to others
all shapes, sizes and each so
vibrant in colour.

I feel their energy flow
and gain pleasure
as my thoughts wander again at will
a gentle trickle with the rain
So aware there is new life now
about to grow
but,
the rarest of all flowers
is still safe inside my heart.

~*~

© Daydreamertoo *All rights reserved

I have a small pot of stones just like those in the picture.
Sometimes I sit and hold one for a while, just to feel it’s smoothness, texture, think about its flaws and, appreciate its magic.

Shared with With Real Toads OpenLink Monday
Poets United Pantry #94

Mirror Mirror

Dr Heisenberg's Magic Mirror of Uncertainty by Duane Michals

Shifting my focus
or,
was it she who moved?

I gaze into her mirrored pools.
She reminds me of the quest
I once undertook to find myself
and,
she seems lost as she looks
inside her deepest reflection.
Maybe she’s
trying to make sense of
the non-sense.

Beautiful eyes
with so many sides to hide
the pain.
Facets of natures own will
and,
faces we wear to suit
daily needs
requirements of a judgmental
society.

Yes,
she hides her truth for
fear of public condemnation
living life in secret duality.

Should she tell them who she is
behind the safety of her walls
or,
guard her secret well
and only tell it to the mirror
who sees it all without
a knowing shame or flaws.

~*~

© Daydreamertoo *All rights reserved

On researching the photographer, I discovered this picture is one in a series of 6 by Duane Michals which follow one another. This picture (to me)  seems to be that she is looking at herself as both male and female. That she is female in body but, maybe she is truly male on the inside. That was my impression of it anyway.

Takes a lot of courage daring to be ‘different’ in a world where so many societies set themselves up as both judge and jury.

Shared with Magpie Tales #110

Reflections

Image by James Rainsford

Days unfold with ease now
…teasing
as their warmth touches
Inviting more participation
of life’s music cords within.

Winter played the
saddest notes
each one
crystal clear but
(for once)
I didn’t come undone in
the frozen wastelands
and
clouded vision cleared
as each tune changed
its reason.

Reflections arriving with spring.

A thousand butterflies
would take to flight
once upon a dream
but
I’m no longer in that
dizziness of free-fall.

No old hopes to dash
No dreams to rent asunder
upon such awakening.

I unwind in sunlit rays
of smoky light
and,
(when day is done)
will continue ‘neath a
backdrop of night’s
celestial sea.

~*~

© Daydreamertoo *All rights reserved

Shared with dVersePoets #Prompt Patterns, Pictures and, Poems Photograph permission by James Rainsford

Growing Pains

I’ve sat on the deck
pondering
and leaves sit upon the tree
looking at me.
Do I appreciate their struggle
to survive
…do I?

They need earth, air, water
and sky too, from roots to
the tallest branches
…they need.

As a child I would rip off leaves
just to bend, shape them and
make a whistling sound between
their folds of bleeding veins to amuse
then,
bruised and tattered have thrown them
away as if it didn’t matter
but, it did matter to the leaves
who died because of me
…didn’t it?

In contemplating the life of
each and everything
even rock has its own
molecular life within

Now, I understand

it is better to live and let live
than to destroy for
momentary pleasure
as our lives too are
measured at their end
(I feel)
by how much we
dared and tried
to grow.

~*~
© Daydreamertoo *All rights reserved

Shared with With real Toads #something ordinary in your life
Poets United Think Tank #89 ‘Light’

Postcards

A postcard arrived addressed to my dog.
Yes, to my dog!
It had a nice picture and little dog paw print on one side. On the other side of it was:
“Dear Timmy, please remind Brenda that it is soon time for your booster shot. Ask her to call us when it is convenient. Woof!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I thought it was pretty cute and novel way of reminding me that Timmy needs to take me to the vet 🙂

Shared with: G-Man’s Friday Flash 55

Connections

Dust floats
tiny particles of life, unfurled
waft
Some sparkle upon catching
rays of light
maybe they too, are reluctant
to leave the circle.

Breathing deep to keep
the clarity
focused
eye to eye
reflections come in whispers
which reverberate
as echoes through the chambers
of my heart.

It’s spring
and,
love is in the air.

Sending thought through waves
I reached out to touch
but
she flits
she floats
she flies
with all the elegance expected
of a Ladybird
and though we have met
in this blue serenity
it’s such a tenuous connection
for, as always
she is neither here
nor there
she is everywhere.

~*~
© Daydreamertoo *All rights reserved

Shared with Poetry Jam #Connections
Poets United Think Tank #89 ‘Light’

Epiphany

I sat upon the rocks
not knowing
who or what or, when.
Life and mind in chaos
couldn’t find the sense
among the madness.

Tears pooled then fell to
join the waters gentle lap, lapping.

An amateur when it comes
to love and loss
the cost, so high a price to pay.

I ranted and raved
gave it all away to You
in rage
Until spent…
closed my eyes, sat
within the stillness
and
…prayed.

The water gurgled, plopped
and sploshed against
those hardened rocks
then somehow,
found it’s way inside.

“Be like the water Bren
What water cannot penetrate
its diligent will, will not
be swayed from its objective.
It will find its way
over, under, around all obstacles
in its path but, it will eventually
reach its destination.
Be like the water Bren. Go within
its flow and stop trying to
swim against the tide and always
remember this; You are not alone.”

Tears forgotten as the waters music
somehow filled the gaping hole left
that was my soul
once again Mother nature’s nurture
had swept over me
and, washed me clean.

I opened my eyes to a new world
knowing then, I still had it all.
Nothing was lost.

Blue sky
Blue sea
greenest grasses and trees rustling
with their own music in harmony with
the sea
and yes, then I knew

Love is all.
It isn’t one person.
It isn’t me.
It’s in everything
we see, hear, touch, smell and taste.

Love is everywhere.
Is wherever we care to look for it
and once we see our own light
we cannot help but know

Oh yes, we know.

~*~
© Daydreamertoo *All rights reserved

The journey through grief is long and painful as we learn there is no other alternative, we must let go, but it’s not easy to do when all of your being doesn’t want to and fights against it.
This peace of this beach was where I learned so much about myself, life, love and our place in this world. We are so small, tiny on a scale of the universe and yet, not insignificant at all. We are each a vital piece of what makes it the ‘whole’, or the ‘oneness.’ It is without and within us all, but until circumstances force us to really dig deep inside for answers, so many of us never discover it.
Although you can’t see it in the picture or even in the video clip, when the tide is out you can sit on the very edge of the rock cliff on the right and be above the water.  With Chloe at school and Timmy (the dog) free to wander, I or we both would climb over the rocks and get to where I could just sit there and clear my mind, of everything. Moments of connection to ‘everything’ my friends tell me are epiphany. I asked for help, for answers to the heart-ache and, they were given.
Yes, I believe.

Shared with Three Word Wednesday CCLX1V #Amateur, Diligent, Nuture
With Real Toads Our connection with nature

Love Knots

I have a little shadow
her name’s Serenity
she follows me everywhere
she is a shadow
you see.

Some would call her
conscience
I call her Angel
(guardian of my soul)
she hears my hearts symphony
Its tunes of hope and glory
or,
its sorry tales of woe
from accepting reality.

‘Not that way, this way’
she’ll say, if I stray
too far from true
and,
sometimes not getting what we want
is exactly what we need.

There are invisible patterns
love knots
which tie and bind
to ensure we never wander
too far from those paths
of our cosmic voyage
thus, fulfilling destiny

So it is written
So shall it be.

~*~

© Daydreamertoo *All rights reserved

Shared with Carry on Tuesday #149 I have a little shadow
dVersePoets OpenLinkNight #36

Awakenings

Sunlight casts Angel wings
in shadows on the walls
which
(I know)
remain even after nightfall.

Winter’s grip eases now
giving leave to buds
and blades of green
peeking through
the cusp of seasons.

I too, yawn from this
long siesta
welcoming change of
dress from skies of
dull off-white and grays
to my beloved blues.

A lone piper calls
his tune harmonizing
with waves in my soul.

Light and warmth share gifts
in unspoken promise
as gentle winds usher in
Springs awakenings.

~*~
© Daydreamertoo *All rights reserved

Shared with Poets United Pantry #92
With Real Toads Monday Open Link